The Sunday Dress - written by Verlene Schafer

The Sunday Dress

Well, I do think that we sure got a lot of stitchin’ done at our last Tumbling Thimbleweeds meetin’. It was real productive. Those baby quilts turned out real precious.

They certainly did. Why I don’t ever remember a more lovely set of baby blankets. It’ll be real nice when we give them out after the Sunday Services.

Oh, we won’t have to wait that long, there’ll be a funeral on Thursday.

Another? Who? What happened? Why am I always the last to know?

Slow down and I’ll tell you everything. If’n you didn’t always have your nose in a book maybe you’d be knowin’ what’s goin’ on in town. It was last week Sunday when Judith Merewether, Miss “all E’s, if you please, in muh last name, suh” came to church in that wretched fluff she called a dress, sashaying down the aisle like she was going to her coronation, rather than a worship service. All three colors of pink she was, with that ridiculous peacock feather fan.

I thought it was a lovely fan! But I do agree the dress was a bit much for Sunday services.

Well, you know ‘swell as I do, that nobody dresses better than Agnes Eberhart, ‘cept Lucy Wilkins before her.

Lucy was a fine dresser, may she rest in peace, but I must agree Agnes does a dress proud!

Do you want to hear this story or don’t you? You’re a walking case of hiccups, you are!

I beg your pardon, really I do. It’s just that...well, I... Sometimes the words just tumble out without letting me think them out.

Pretend you’re a chipmunk and stuff your cheeks for a minute while I finish. Laws a’mighty you try my patience. So Judith struts around with her peacock feathers swishing this way and swishing that way. And every moment you could see Agnes’ blood pressure rising in her red cheeks. And sure ‘nough, Judith starts in about what a bargain she got on that catastrophe. “What do you think, Agnes? Give me your honest opinion, Agnes,” she says to her, heaven help us all...

She didn’t!

...so then Agnes says to Judith that she doesn’t care about the price of her new Sunday dress. I mean, can you imagine!

Really, what did she do?

Pushed her down the stairs.

Again!?

Had she pushed her down the stairs before? Of course not, now don’t interrupt. Now where was I? Oh yes. Broke her neck the coroner said. Course, he thought it was another ‘feeble female’ incident, like Lucy, only that weren’t an accident either. That fool! There weren’t nothing feeble about her either.

Well, yes! Lucy was who I was referring to before. But Agnes was one of the Thimbleweeds. Judith was due to become a member! How could Agnes just push her down the stairs? And just over a Sunday dress?

Mabel Louise, start paying attention! It was Judith who tossed Agnes down those steep wooden flights to her death...all over that ridiculous frilly get-up she calls a dress, just as Agnes did to Lucy before. Really now, that dress is hardly worth making Agnes pick turnips with a step ladder. If you want something worth making someone take a dirt nap it’d be my new hat. What do you think? Give me your honest opinion.